Here, look.

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I just got one of those scam calls with a guy telling me that people were trying to hack my computer. I pretended to go along with him, until the part where he wanted me to open up a DOS window. He told me to type a command, hit enter, and tell him what I could see.

I said, “Oh, it says here someone is trying to scam me over the phone.”

He said, “Yes, sir. That’s exactly correct. We are scamming 3 million dollars a year just from people in the US. From your lack of knowledge, your unintelligence. We are taking 3 million from the US every year.”

"That’s impressive," I said.

"Take care," he said.

Filed under scam calls hacker

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Anonymous asked: Besides obvious stuff like Family Guy and The Simpsons now, what are the worst cartoons you've ever seen?

This is a bit tough!!! I guess I’ve seen really bad, low-budget stuff but I actually find some “higher quality” stuff much more offensive.

Like, in terms of failure on a technical level, I’d probably go with Defenders of Space, which is a dubbed Korean anime originally called Phoenix-bot Phoenix-king, apparently). But that has a bunch of funny scenes and stupid charm.

The stuff that’s MADE ME FEEL INSULTED and/or TURNED MY STOMACH would be:

Archer!!!!! I really do despise Archer quite a bit. I wrote about that at much too great a length once before… But basically I have many of the problems with it that I do with Family Guy. It’s forever mean-spirited and looks and feels lazy and cheap to me. But I admit part of the reason I hate it so much is because it’s been so accepted by so much of the public and I very much think it should not have been.

Dipping back into anime, Berserk is one of the most offensive goddamn things I’ve ever watched. A friend showed it to me back when I really didn’t watch anime and it nearly turned me off of all anime. I was basically FINE with it, though not blown away, for the whole thing. Just a dude running around chopping everybody up with ease. But then it ended with like all the main characters getting raped by monsters?? And I just felt like I’d been made a fool of? Like, why’d you make me watch this whole thing if everyone was just going to get raped to madness at the finale? What a great ending!!

Incidentally, I know Berserk is a manga that’s like 8000 volumes long, but if you’re going to adapt something to a shorter length, it should complete a satisfying, standalone arc, not end with a bunch of insane rape of all the characters you got to know up until that point. Also, from what I’ve seen, the comic just keeps going with Guts dragging Casca around as a shell-shocked rape victim. Seems cool and fun!!!

I also saw one episode of Shigurui, which I’d say is also one of the worst. It is incredibly boring and gross. Just old men talking about honor for 10 hours and then someone yanks out their intestines.

As for American animation, I guess there are loads of bad kids’ shows that don’t even try that hard to be any good. Just kind of go through the motions and try to sell kids garbage. Like Ben 10 or whatever. But I’ve never seen any of those. I would say the worst I can think of that I’ve watched is, sadly, almost anything by John K. that isn’t the original Ren & Stimpy series (which I think is great).

The Ripping Friends is SOOO boring. It feels like every moment in that show is dragged out so, so, so far past the point of any enjoyment. And I think his short “Boo Boo Runs Wild” might be one of the most uncomfortable, gross, boring, weird things I’ve ever seen. I just don’t even understand what I’m supposed to get out of it. It was just a thoroughly unenjoyable experience. I know we’re all supposed to champion creatives getting to do whatever they want, but John K. is one of those people who seems like he really benefited from an evil corporation telling him to rein it in a little bit.

FINALLY, something that’s technically bad and not even charming is The Karate Kid Cartoon (which, last I checked, was available to watch on Netflix). I only watched one episode. It had terrible animation and drawings and all that but somehow had none of the charm of other low-budget garbage. It was just boring. A half-hour felt like forever. None of The Karate Kid movies are actually that good (SORRY, it’s the TRUTH) so maybe it’s not too surprising.

SECOND SEASON OF LEGEND OF KORRA MADE ME PUKE MY GUTS TILL I FELL INTO THE DEEPEST SLUMBER TOO (maybe it’s not actually bad enough to be considered among the WORST though… I dunno).


Filed under cartoons worst archer berserk shigurui defenders of space phoenix-bot phoenix-king ben 10 John K. john kricfalusi the ripping friends boo boo runs wild Karate Kid Legend of Korra avatar Ren & stimpy

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what’s ur fav weed
Holy shit I just answered your question and none of it saved whatsoever how great. Let me try to recreate whatever the shit I just typed. Fun:

I have absolutely NO idea. I am not remotely a gourmet pothead. All I know is I smoked a lot of dirty, seed-ridden shit in my college days and luckily the quality of weed has seemingly improved across the board. I don’t really worry about what sort of weed I’m getting whenever I get it because it’s all basically good.

I guess it’d be easy to say I like sativa or indica but I don’t actually KNOW because I typically have no clue what kind of stuff I’m getting. I’m aware there are hybrids and I guess, in theory, that’d be what I’d go for because I don’t usually like getting STUPID-stoned these days. But I also don’t want to be out and about and active. Basically, I want stuff that’ll relax me a bit but not fuck me up so bad I can’t do video editing and which will eventually carry me into a deep slumber that dulls my horrible, horrible dreams so they don’t wake me up or make me feel feelings irrationally and unnecessarily.

Filed under marijuana pot weed sativa indica sticky icky lid grass sweet bizznookrin gringlegrox jimmzamm stickpuffs hoozboggle pothead gourmet horrible dreams

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What are your thoughts on Family Guy?
Family Guy?! I loOoOoOoOooove Family Guy! What a glorious paragon of humor and jokes! Such finesse! Such splendor! Such gorgeous animation! Ah! Family Guy! To think on you gives me the most sublime of erections that nothing can sate except a sweet Stewie one-liner or ten ingenious pop-culture gag cutaways! Agh! Oof! The best!

Actually, I am sorry to have fooled you for so long but I think Family Guy SUCKS!!! It is mean-spirited, unfunny, and the plots don’t matter. Plus, it’s one of the early shows that helped usher in the modern era of shitty flash-animated cartoons.

I liked it a lot when it first came out. But I was in high school then for chrissakes. I had grown up on The Simpsons and South Park had been a filthy, anarchic revelation to me. Family Guy was like the two of them combined and it seemed like the super-awesome next step in comedy. I owned all the DVDs and I got upset when it got canceled.

But some time between its cancellation and uncancellation I realized how little I cared about it. I had watched all of the DVDs from beginning to end and, sporadically, there were some amazing jokes in it. I mean, when your show formula is to crap out loads of inane one-off jokes, you’re bound to have the occasional hit in the middle of all the insultingly bad unfunny crap. But even if I liked a joke a lot, I could never tell you what episode it came from because the storylines are easily the least important facet of the series.

Plus, there was never any reason to love any of the characters because they all seem to have nothing but contempt for one another. Peter has just been an unforgivable asshole from the start and the family in general is a bunch of pricks. I mean the damn baby wants to kill his mom.

In truth I haven’t watched the show in ages but I’ve seen bits here and there and it always manages to offend me how lazy it all is. But, hell, I’m willing to allow for the possibility that it’s better than The Simpsons at this point. I mean, everything I’ve complained about here has come to pass on The Simpsons. Every character is now completely unlikable and horrible to one another (I think The Simpsons Movie truly pushed Homer past the jerk-point of no return), it looks like a piece of shit made in Flash and the plots make no fucking sense and don’t matter. The only reason I keep up with The Simpsons is it meant so much to me as a kid and basically outright created much of humor in modern media as we know it (I mean, let’s not forget that Family Guy’s cutaway gag gimmick was a Simpsons thing too; Family Guy just based their entire series on it). AND I’m also obsessed with watching the things I love deteriorate and deform and die.

Family Guy is just the inevitable product of a post-Simpsons, post-South Park world. I don’t think it was ever deserving of much respect and I don’t care to see where it’s gone.

Also, Seth MacFarlane just comes across like the biggest douchebag in the world. Sure, fine, he brought back Cosmos (which I don’t watch but I’m aware it’s basically a source of good and so is Neil deGrasse Tyson). Whatever. Everything else he makes and does and says reinforces what a hateful prick he is and what a basic, awful sense of humor he has. Like when he hosted the Oscars. Or when they killed off Brian and brought him back and he tweeted something like “I’d be retarded to kill off Brian. Are you fucking high?” Haha! You got ‘em! You got your fans good! He’s just so obviously a dickhead. I’m glad A Million Ways to Die in the West tanked. It’s nice those times that society actually recognizes a thing as shit and ignores it as such.

I also don’t like his beady piss-hole eyes on his flat, fat head.

Sometimes people tell me to watch American Dad. People tell me it’s better than Family Guy. I don’t think I will watch American Dad.


Filed under Family Guy American Dad seth macfarlane The Simpsons Stewie South Park cosmos neil degrasse tyson a million ways to die in the west

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On an unrelated note, I am at work and no one is expecting ANYTHING from me currently. I wish I had my laptop here and could work on Simpsums but NO DICE.

Do you want me to tell you why your favorite TV show sucks or something? Feel free to ask me! I am doing NOTHING. I am BORED. <3


Filed under BORED